Headship
and Abuse
After expressing some views on the political landscape, she said to
me, “My husband reads all the stuff, and he must know. I don’t really
follow these things.”
This was a good Adventist pastor’s wife in the United States. In this
matter she did not bother to think for herself but accepted, apparently with
little personal reflection, her husband’s opinion on politics.
I understand that everyone is interested in politics. But how far should
this go? Should she accept her husband’s opinion in all other matters as
well?
A subservient woman who looks to her husband for guidance in all things
falls under a currently much-talked-about theory known as headship theology,
the idea that the man is superior to the woman and only his judgment can be
trusted. This notion has crept into the thinking of many conservative
Christians.
Headship theory
Modern headship theory arose around the same time as the Women’s Liberation
Movement, as women started shedding the power of men who had been oppressing
women for centuries, even millennia. (I am intentionally substituting the word
“theory,” because headship involves so much more than just theology and
spiritual roles: male domination has long encompassed financial, emotional,
physical, and sexual, as well as religious leadership over the woman.)
As women were striving for equality, Christian men were afraid of losing
their power. They came up with a theory to keep women in submission: employ
religion for the purpose. In order to make this plausible to believers,
headship theory was described as a biblical role model.
However, the ideas of liberty, equality and justice had become ingrained in
the minds of thinking people since the French Revolution, and could not be
ignored. In order to get around that, headship theory called the gender roles
“complementary,” which meant that men and women are in some way equal but
different. The man assumes the role as the head of the household and acts as
the leader, thus having the power. Women are relegated to a passive role, but
said to be nonetheless equal.
What is equal about this? How can two people be equal, but with one partner
in full control over the other?
Marriage or church?
If the headship theory were applied only to men and women in their marriage
relationship, we could let them work it out in their own way, according to
their personal convictions. But when headship theory is applied to the church,
with all men having authority over all women, it becomes dangerous. Bible texts
are taken out of context to prove that women have to submit to the leadership
of men instead of considering the mutual submission the Apostle Paul promotes
as a model for the church when he says, “Submit to one another out
of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 NIV, emphasis added). Paul’s
subsequent words were meant as counsel for married couples, but are erroneously
used to prove male dominion over women in church.
When a man assumes authority over a woman, he also takes over
responsibility for the woman’s actions when she obeys and when she disobeys.
This leads to abuse. It is no secret that abuse is prevalent in conservative
churches that embrace headship theory.
Furthermore, women are expected to stay in abusive and manipulative
relationships. Insecure women who have been taught to look up to men in
leadership are at risk when these leaders manipulate them to submit to sexual
relations or rape. We would hope these predators would take responsibility for
their deeds, but they usually put the blame on their victims.
Spiritual abuse
In “The Unavoidable
Link Between Patriarchal Theology and Spiritual Abuse” by Haley
Horton, published on January 13, 2021, the following characteristics of
spiritual abuse based on complementarian theology are listed:
- The man demands respect from the woman without
question, due to his “God-given” masculine authority.
- The man discourages the woman from having
different opinions, especially theological, political, or social, because
God has given him discernment for the both of them.
- The man shames the woman if she publicly
expresses an opinion different from his own, because it challenges or even
humiliates his male authority.
- The man is unable to see the woman as an
accountability partner. If the man criticizes the woman on an issue, he
believes he’s fulfilling his God-designed responsibility as spiritual
leader. But if the woman criticizes the man on an issue, he believes she’s
disrespecting his authority and therefore rejecting “God’s design” for men
and women.
- The man emphasizes his dedication to caring for
and protecting his partner but only does so in the way he believes is
best. Because he is the spiritual leader, he thinks he knows what is best
for the woman even if she says otherwise.
- The man rarely, if ever, considers that he could
be wrong in his decision-making.
- If the woman confronts the man on an issue, he
makes her think that she is overreacting, crazy, or simply a bad partner
because she does not trust, is ungrateful for, or is disrespectful of his
leadership (a form of gaslighting). He might twist the conversation so
that the moral of the story is that the woman must learn to be more
forgiving and gracious, as opposed to the man acknowledging his own
mistakes.
- The man misuses Scripture to require the woman to
perform sexual activities. If she says no, he claims she is denying God’s
command to please her partner.
- The man demands primary or full control over
finances as head of the household.
- The man uses statements such as “You don’t love
or respect me anymore. If you did, you would…” or “I’m only doing this to
love and protect you. Don’t you want that?” to emotionally manipulate his
partner into doing what he wants.
- The man lies when necessary to protect his good
reputation and “Christian testimony.”
- The man quotes from Bible passages such as
Ephesians 5 to require that the woman perform domestic duties and not
maintain a career. Or, if she does have a career, the man demands that his
career take priority.
The Pipim problem
The news that a once-prominent church leader, a former pastor, has been
disfellowshipped by a local church in Ohio hit the Adventist media on January
18, 2021.
The most shocking thing about this is that women had reported this man’s
predatory sexual behavior for nearly three decades. He was already once removed
from membership in 2012 for the same reasons. In 2014, after rebaptism and
apparent repentance, he was reinstated. He has now reoffended, by some reports
multiple times. After he was again disfellowshipped, we were told,
The Ohio
Conference unequivocally warns the public against inviting
Pipim as a speaker, using his books or materials, or placing him in a position
of spiritual authority, leadership, or influence over others. The Seventh-day
Adventist Church and the Ohio Conference have zero tolerance for sexual
misconduct. The Ohio Conference cares deeply about the pain suffered by victims
of this case. We extend our apologies globally to those who have been hurt and
wish to be an agent of healing, hope, and wholeness. We have heard your voices,
and we take each story seriously.
This is tragic proof of what headship theory does when men are exalted into
positions of dominance in patriarchal systems. I fail to understand how this
was allowed to happen for such a long time, and the perpetrator not arraigned
and prosecuted.
As a church organization we have taken a stand against violence and abuse
with our enditnow project, but it
seems that in practice there is much to be learned. We must break the silence
and begin to believe the victims.
A theological novelty
Headship theory was never a part of our beliefs as Seventh-day Adventists,
and I believe the infiltration of such thinking is not the will of God for His
church. But I have yet to hear any official opposition from General Conference
leadership to this infiltration. Why are the proponents of headship theory not
confronted? Others who have had theological ideas that don’t quite conform to
traditional Adventist beliefs have been censured or even defrocked—such as some
who advocate for women’s ordination.
Why is there no outcry against those who push headship theory in our
church? One answer would be that the church leadership consists of men
only.
God created woman in His image with a free will, and she is responsible for
her own thoughts and actions to God. Anything else is misleading God’s
children. Women must be aware of their value in God’s eyes as individuals who are
only to submit themselves to God’s authority—in the Epistle of James we are all
told to submit only to God (James 4:7). Men and women must be treated as equals
before God. No man has the right to abuse a woman be it spiritually,
physically, financially or sexually, because women are God’s precious daughters
of equal worth with His sons.
Photo: enditnow.org
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